My Wife’s Cruel Behavior Almost Killed Me

(Guest post by James Bond)

I was, like every man, excited about my marriage and looked forward to a life of bliss. Little did I know about the web of manipulation that was going to be spun to send my life twirling in a pit of darkness.

From day one, I could see that she suffered from a ‘princess complex’. She would not do any work in the house, citing it was a custom that until henna wore off, women did not do household chores. I knew it was an excuse to cover up for her laziness and sense of entitlement, but I did not want to have an argument so early in my marriage.

She asked me to make tea for her everyday, which was the height of her shamelessness. She said that before marriage her father gave her ‘bed tea’ everyday. I told her that she should have served her father, not the other way around, but she did not see anything wrong with it.

She wanted to go shopping everyday. Sandals, purses, perfumes, shalwar suits, bangles, cosmetics, trips to beauty saloons – every single day. This was in addition to her constant whining about wanting to eat out at different restaurants, again – every single day. After putting up with five months of insanity, I finally decided to become strict about her wild expenditure.

She started yelling at the top of her lungs, hurling abuses at me and my parents, telling me I was a lousy husband, and started throwing household items. After she created a scene, I called her father. Her brother received the phone, and came to my home. She narrated a completely different story to him, telling him how I was the one abusing her. He threatened me and left, citing how the law is in women’s favour. I knew exactly what that was supposed to mean.

She wanted to remain oblivious to my monetary burden and financial anxiety. After a couple of days, she stole my debit card and blew up thousands of rupees in a single shopping spree. It didn’t matter how much she shopped, it was never enough. If I intervened, which I did a few times, all hell would break loose. Yelling, cursing, throwing household items, abusing my parents – it was normal for her to behave like a lunatic whenever she didn’t get her way. She reminded me of a spoiled brat. The more you give a brat, the more she wants, and tantrums follow.

I was earning Rs. 50,000 a month, and that would vanish in a couple of weeks, and I had to pull out an extra Rs.25,000 – 30,000 from my savings. If I didn’t she would abuse and threaten me with a dowry case, and she would call her brother who would tell me what he would do to my family with his goons. I feared not only for my own safety, but also that of my family.

We had given her very expensive jewellery at the time of marriage, but she would constantly make fun of it, calling it cheap, and called me a miser. In public, she would humiliate me over trivial issues. She would start screaming on busy public roads, malls, restaurants, often creating a scene, resulting in people staring at us. I am sure if a man is doing the screaming, people would intervene, but since she is the privileged and entitled gender, she has a birthright to abuse a man.

No one could see my scars. Only they were not on my body. The psychological abuse that I was going through was worse than physical abuse. Having to put up with her yelling, curses, threats, abuse, humiliation, and the way my hard earned money was being wasted, and my saving were vanishing made me very depressed.

I couldn’t concentrate at work. My performance started to suffer. My colleagues could notice that there was something wrong. I asked my boss for leave, citing health problems.

I was living in hell. What made it worse was the fact that they could harm my family too. I didn’t know what to do, I started thinking of an escape. I finally mustered the courage to send her a divorce notice, knowing well that she could accuse me falsely of dowry harassment, but I was prepared for anything. I could not live with that woman one more day.

I sent her a divorce notice, prepared for anything. However, there was no response. I guess they were all bark and no bite. I was lucky, but not everyone is. I think about all those men who are driven to suicide by abusive wives. Men don’t report it due to the fear of draconian laws and social stigma. Men suffer in silence.

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The Double Standard for Dowry

(Guest post by Babar)

We all know dowry as the gifts that the family of the bride give to the bridegroom, but we never talk about the untold misery and the millions of rupees that the family of the bridegroom spend in buying jewelry for the prospective wife, we don’t speak of the millions of rupees that the family of the bridegroom spend in purchasing bridal clothes for the prospective wife, we never mention the cost of the expensive engagement ring, we don’t discuss the price of gifts for the bride’s family and of course, the entire life that the man spends like a human ATM.

We don’t call the millions of rupees a man spends on jewelry, bridal clothes, engagement ring, gifts, etc. before his marriage on his prospective wife dowry. We don’t label it as an evil system that robs a man of his hard earned wealth. We don’t condemn it and call it wrong, a burden unnecessarily placed on a man in this day and age of economic problems. We all know that male suicide is over twice the rate of female suicide.  Yet we are happy to continue with the system of emptying a man’s pockets for his marriage, even landing him in debt at times, yet we only cry when the bride’s family has to give some gifts to the groom.

Blatant double standards, to say the least.

A man’s prospective marriage today has become a business deal. He is always asked how much he earns, which car he drives, how much money he has stashed in his bank account, whether his house/flat is his own or rented, etc. A man is reduced to the sum of what he owns, how much he earns, how much he has, etc. After marriage a man is constantly tortured by his wife with comparisons to other men and what they own. He is taunted for a better house, better car, better job, etc. Countless men are forced to take loans with interest which cause anxiety, health problems, sleepless nights, etc.

Men who are not financially well off are seen as somewhat inferior, as women and their parents hunt for rich grooms. Matrimonial ads always ask for ‘well-settled’ grooms. Women always marry men richer than them. A man has to be ‘well-settled’, own a house, car, have a huge saving and then feed his prospective wife for the rest of his life, spend on her shopping, cosmetics, clothes, trips to beauty parlors, restaurant visits, vacations, etc.

In this day and age, people are getting married later than ever witnessed in past generations, and some men don’t want to marry at all! Women wonder where all the good men have gone. The explanation is simple: (a) the demands and monetary burden society places on men at the time of marriage has deterred them from marrying, and (b) the ease with which a man can become a target of a false case of domestic violence or a fake case of dowry are severe disincentives for a man to even consider marriage today.

Not to mention getting ripped off of entire life saving in case of a divorce in alimony payments, child support, and having to part with half of one’s property in many cruel lawsuits.

The laws, media, and brainwashed members of society are biased in favor of women and they do not try to understand the cruelties inflicted on men with an unbiased mind. Society has burdened men with monetary obligations and has turned them into lifeless ATMs. Male suicides have shot through the roof and yet we keep supporting our biased views and double standards.

Indian Domestic Violence Law is now even more draconian

As many of you might be knowing, the Supreme Court of India has recently amended the Domestic Violence Act.  It now allows the complainant to name women and children as respondents in the complaint, in addition to the husband.

That means, the estranged wife can now target a husband’s mother, sister and children in his family, in addition to him and his father or his brothers.

From a report published on Oct-10-2016 in The Hindu:

In a landmark verdict, the Supreme Court has widened the scope of the Domestic Violence Act by ordering deletion of the words “adult male” from it, paving the way for prosecution of women and even non-adults for subjecting a woman relative to violence and harassment.

The Supreme Court is doing this because in its opinion, this change fits better with the notion of equality before law.

We believe that this amendment is extremely dangerous, gives even more power to unscrupulous Indian women, and does nothing at all to advance gender equality in India.

Let us explain.

As we have previously pointed out, almost all the domestic laws in India presume that the woman/wife is the victim and that the man/husband is the aggressor.  In most such laws, the complainant woman/wife can complain not only against the man/husband, but also against his extended family, and even children in his family.

The misuse of these laws is a severe law-sanctioned cruelty against every married man in this country.  It takes a lot of money, effort and time, not to talk about the stress and social humiliation, for a husband to defend his family and himself.  In all such laws, the husband and his family is presumed guilty and they have to prove their innocence, flipping the principle of “Innocent until proven Guilty” on its head.

This recent amendment would have been a welcome change IF the court had removed all gender-specificity from the law and allowed any gender to complain against any other gender.  As it is, men are STILL barred from using this law to complain against violence or cruelty perpetrated by their wives.

The only change is that earlier women could only complain against their husbands.  Though they could use the draconian and corrupt 498A criminal law against his family, the domestic violence act only allowed her to complain against the man himself.  That was a small but measurable relief to a man’s family.  In every such case, lawyers charge per person to defend.  Each additional respondent means more money for the lawyers, and more trips for aged parents to suffer the humiliation of going to courthouses.

The cruel estranged wives target mothers-in-law and sisters-in-law especially, because they know that targeting the women of the family will break down the husband’s will and make him pay the ransom (called alimony).

In a report by the Daily Mail:

Gupta said that the mothers-in-law, who are mostly quite elderly, are the ones who get depressed in jail and adjusting becomes a problem for them.

The nanands or sisters-in-laws who come in jail for few months are mostly aged between 18 and 26 years and also face a lot of difficulty and depression. These women know that their being in jail means they will be ostracised for life in society; they fear that no-one would marry them. It is emotional trauma for them and most are seen crying for days

Moreover, the domestic violence law is used to ask for relief: non-contact, money and maintenance.  In almost all cases, the husband is liable to maintain his wife.  The elderly and the children are anyway unable to provide any asked-for monetary relief.  In these cases, the courts MUST exclude all the extraneous respondents who have been included just at the whim of the complainant.  If no relief is asked from them, there is no reason to keep them there, except to enrich the corrupt lawyers.

In this particular case, the Supreme Court has upheld that even minors and elderly women can be named as respondents in a Domestic Violence complaint.  This was already possible in the Dowry and related laws.  Now a husband’s family has to brace itself for defending itself again under the Domestic violence law as well.

More laws, more money for the lawyers.  More burden for the Indian taxpayer.

The feminists are gloating at this “win” for women.  But aren’t falsely accused mothers-in-law or sisters-in-law women too?  No, according to feminists and Indian courts, any member of a male’s family is a fit target for cruelty to teach the man a “lesson” for his “patriarchy”.

It is perhaps possible for the husband’s mother to hit back at her unscurpulous daughter-in-law by filing a counter case under this law (now that a woman can be a respondent too, Ha!).  But we believe that most courts will not entertain cases against errant daughters-in-law.  This is because of the inherent bias in Indian courts which regards husbands and their families as aggressors and the “poor” daughter-in-law as an eternal victim.

For men considering getting married in India, we urge you to note this dangerous step in the wrong direction.  Understand the risks to your mother, father, and your existing family.  These risks are now bigger than ever before.

Beware of an unscrupulous and impulsive woman in India.  She now has another state-sanctioned tool to harass your family.

Ten Qualities to Look for in your Future Wife

  1. She should wake up earlier in the morning than you, regularly.
  2. She should have long hair and be fond of feminine looking traditional clothes.
  3. She should neither drink nor smoke nor smoke hookah  etc.
  4. She should know how to sing well.
  5. She should know how to cook many good meals and desserts.
  6. She should not have a strong political opinion.  She should respect your opinions.
  7. She should have a lot of respect for her father.
  8. She should be religious.
  9. She should be frugal.
  10. She should express her disapproval by becoming sad or by crying, not by getting angry.

Marriage 2.0, is it for you?

Marriage 1.0, the traditional marriage before the time when women started working, had clear gender roles and was aimed at creating and sustaining stable families.

Marriage 2.0, the new normal in the age of woman “empowerment”, is about equality and “partnership”, fluid gender roles, emotional satisfaction, attention seeking, constant demands for validation and expressions of “love”, “fun”, social media projection, etc.

But Marriage 2.0 is a fiction peddled by modern mass media.  It doesn’t work, and is not designed to work.  It is a constant stream of stress, negotiation, arguments, fights and subsequent make-ups.

Men in India, who were born in the 70s, 80s and 90s, saw their parents having marriage 1.0, while they themselves are now expected to behave as husbands in marriage 2.0.  Even if both the parents of these men were working, the gender roles still mostly persisted.  In fact, it is quite possible that seeing their mothers work outside the home as well as within the home, men of this generation developed sympathies for their mothers and resolved to be more egalitarian in their own relationship with their wives.  They perhaps thought that if only they were more sensitive to their wives, their wives would love them far more than what how saw their mothers loving and serving their fathers.

Talk about shock and disillusionment.

Modern working women have been taught and brainwashed not to serve and love their husbands.  No matter what you do, a modern earning woman will lose her attraction to you after you marry her.  It is a lie that you can continue to have her love you.  As soon as you commit, now she’s in charge and she wants to use you to have her fun in which you are mostly an appendage and attention provider.  She is not at all interested in making you happy.  The modern wife marries to make herself happy, not her husband.

And once you have children, you are merely the laborer of the family.  Now not only do you have to take care of providing for your family, you have to be mindful of your wife’s feelings and of your kids’ emotional needs.  These days, it is a rare mother who is appreciative of her husband working  all day so that when he comes home, she does not burden him or annoy him with new problems, but soothes him and provides him comfort and support.  Most modern women lose all interest in taking care of their husbands once their kids are born, and all their focus is on their kids.

And if you make any demand on them, they will scream back at you: “How dare you?  Don’t you see I do all the babysitting all day while you are having fun at work?”  If you expect them to look presentable, they will holler: “Yeah, why don’t YOU take care of the kitchen and the kids while I put some make-up on.”

All these problems are now common because women no longer accept their gender role and are in rebellion, and the entire mass media, their parents and friends, are egging them on in this rebellion against their own husbands.

What is in it for the husbands?  We wonder.

 

Female Promiscuity = Female Unhappiness

Any society or culture which allows full license to female promiscuity and hypergamy does a disservice to its women, and makes them very, very unhappy.  But once this licentiousness is in place, it is almost impossible to re-introduce sexual restrictions.  For reasons that we will make clear, though women are supremely unhappy in today’s sexual market conditions, any hint that we should go back to traditional restrictions is vociferously and vehemently protested by exactly those women who are the most unhappy and dissatisfied with their relationships.

Now-a-days, the society allows a woman ten to twenty years of premarital sexual “exploration”.  Given the dynamics of casual sex, it is open season for alphas.  They are in hedonistic heaven, taking their pick from a wide array of women.  Betas, however, more than ever, languish in involuntary celibacy or settle for infrequent sex with ugly or drunk women.

Most women in their ten-twenty year period of “fun years” will doubtless come across an alpha or two.  The alpha will game them, provide them multiple orgasms, and having added her to their score of notches, move on.

These “alpha widows” now are damaged goods for any normal man.  They will always compare their current man with the alpha who pumped and dumped them, and find their current man wanting.  They will treat their current man with disdain and will continue to keep their eyes wandering for another alpha like the one they were briefly exposed to.

An alpha widow will not only be a bitch to her man and make him miserable and angry, but she will herself find life to be a pale shadow of what “it could have been”, and be depressed and unhappy.

It is clear that licentiousness has led to her discontentment.  But if you suggest to her that perhaps traditional values (chastity before marriage, divorce only in extreme hardship, lack of easy abortion) should be brought back, she will go ballistic and regard you as her arch enemy.  Why?  Because you are dooming her to alpha widowhood.  She wants to be free to fuck, seduce and possibly entrap an alpha again.  She failed the last time, but how dare you restrain her from trying again?

Alphas will continue to pump and dump, and a delusional woman will continue to hope for an alpha who loves her and only her.  A beta is no good to her, and an alpha will always be beyond her reach.

Mass media is only too happy to feed her delusion.  All the romantic Mills-and-Boon trash, the chick-flicks, the magazines and talk-shows, continue to send her the message that she should trust her heart, and that true love (i.e., love of an alpha) will eventually come her way.

Women want to be free to be hypergamous: they want to be free to pursue their alpha.  But there are only a few alphas in the real world.  These women have tasted alpha cum, and are doomed to be unhappy.

A society which offers sexual freedom and choice to its women destroys their happiness.

Harassment from Slutty Wife Not Grounds for Divorce

The Bombay High Court thinks that wife partying at night is not mental cruelty to husband and has stricken down divorce order granted by family court, according to the story in The Times of India:

Rajesh Chawla, (42), a mariner, claimed that his wife Seema, with whom he has two children, frequently attended late-night parties, misbehaved with him on many occasions, had outbursts on small issues and made his life miserable.

“Socializing to some extent in the present society is permissible,” said Justice Tahaliyani, adding, “But there is no evidence to come to the conclusion that on a particular date Seema was drunk or had excess liquor and had come to the house at a particular time.”

So there is no legal aid for husbands whose wives slut around, get drunk and harass them. The traumatized and harassed husbands can’t get a divorce. The court says there is no evidence of the wife’s alleged misbehavior.

Note that when a woman files a rape, harassment or domestic violence case, the judiciary does not require any evidence to put the entire family of the accused man behind bars. A woman’s word is good enough for it.

In this case if the roles were reversed and it was the husband who frequently attended late night parties, got drunk and harassed his wife, one can only imagine what the system would do to him. Not only would the wife be granted divorce but the husband would be slammed with the notorious 498A if the wife chose to do so.

The viciousness in this story runs deeper than the apparent double standard against men.

It is clear that the present system does not regard the historical foundation of marriage. The institution of marriage is designed based on what men and women bring to the table by marrying. It is essentially an arrangement whereby man is required to share his resources, and woman is required to make the home and raise their progeny. The implication is that a man’s liberty doesn’t come into question as long as he fulfills his marital requirement which is providing for the family financially. Woman, on the other hand, is expected to restrain herself when it comes to sexuality and the behavior that defies sexual norms. That is why in all societies there are restrictions on women’s liberty but not on men’s. For restrictions are applied only on the behaviors that jeopardize the marital union and social cohesion at large.

In our learned opinion, the wife partying out late at night is itself a sufficient reason why the husband should be granted divorce from her. Whether she drunkenly harassed the husband is secondary and should only strengthen his case if true.

The woman is flunking her responsibility in marriage while the man is being forced to carry on with his, by being in marriage with the slutty (hence useless) wife, endure the mental trauma and harassment, and still bear her financial burden.

The system is out-and-out hostile to men and the situation is worsening by the day. In this age of feminism and the decline we advise men not to marry, for it would only add to their difficulties of life.

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