There are four huge problems in India when it comes to being accused of rape:
1. The badly designed laws according to which:
- If you dump your girlfriend, she can accuse you of rape.
- If you refuse to marry someone after engagement, she can accuse you of rape.
- If you pass a lewd remark or send someone a nasty text or Facebook message, she can accuse you of “outraging her modesty” which is treated similar to rape in Indian courts.
- If you marry someone against her parents’ wishes, they can accuse you of kidnapping and raping their daughter even though she’s an adult and had a consensual relationship with you.
2. The prevalence of falsehood and perjury and false accusations due to which any woman can accuse you of something that you did not do, had no intention of doing, and of which there is no evidence that you did it. But because of twisted laws and a white-knight constitution and judiciary in India, a woman’s word in presumed to be true and a man has to prove his innocence.
3. The abysmal state of Indian judiciary, the atrocious delays and the lawyer-police mafia due to which if you are accused of something, and even if the burden of proof is on the prosecution, you suffer for years and maybe decades and see your family life, your career and your reputation destroyed.
4. The media-vultures who pounce on any rape or sex-related legal incident as a cash-cow. To them, any such incident is a sure shot way to make money by naming and shaming someone merely accused, and by smearing his name for his lifetime. Media is not concerned about facts and objectivity and due process and protecting the identity of someone who is not yet charged.
The media is so twisted that it will not even publish a woman’s name even after the courts rule that the accusation was false. The media will splash the accusation story all over its front pages. But when the accused in acquitted or it is proved that the accusation was mala-fide and false, it will either not publish the news at all (because it is not entertaining now), or it will make a small mention on an inner page.
So how do you avoid this dangerous minefield which has the potential of destroying your life and reputation?
We offer seven guidelines for the Indian man. Mark our words and follow our guidelines to avoid being pulled into this kind of mess:
- Do not date psychos, single-mothers, well-connected women, lawyers, feminists, social activists and NGO-type women. These urban bitches are trigger-happy about going to the police or the courts or the corrupt women’s commissions when they feel like they are not being treated well. By the way, by “psychos” we mean those women who are unstable or are on hormonal or psychiatric medication.
Obviously stay away from women who seem overly greedy and/or manipulative. Stay away from women who have a police officer, a judge, a lawyer, or a high-ranking civil servant in their family.
Do not date a single mom! They are especially vicious if you end the relationship because they were seeing you as their ATM for life.
These kind of women are very “aware” of their rights though they have nil idea of their responsibilities. These women will cite “emotional cruelty” in a heartbeat to get back at you if you refuse to toe their line. They might seem easy lays but beware, you are playing with fire. These women have a chip on their shoulder and are very argumentative and are usually very aggressive. Even if they are pretty, they are unpleasant to be with. Stay away from them.
- Record everything. Even if the recordings are not admissible in court, when the time comes and things are going south she should be made aware that you have a lot of evidence. That if she tries any false accusation stunt, you will make sure the stuff finds its way on to the public domain so that society can make its own conclusions. Keep a history of all your text messages, Facebook interactions, call logs, etc. You don’t need to record calls all the time. But you should know how to. If your girlfriend or wife as much as hints at anything legal, start recording immediately from then on.
- Have a few lawyer or police officials as friends. Your girlfriend should know that if she tries a false accusation to intimidate you, you will hit back with ten times the force. She should know that you are well-versed in law. That you will not be blackmailed. During your relationship, tell her about the horror stories which illustrate that a woman going to court as a pressure tactic is ruined for life. No man wants to go near her, she doesn’t get anything from the courts, and the courts, lawyers and the police just extract their pound of flesh.
- Do not divulge your wealth. Never ever be tempted to brag about how much money or how many assets you have. Don’t talk about your salary or bonus or your savings.
When a relationship goes south, a woman has two incentives to try to hurt you:
- Revenge: She wants to see you in pain.
- Money: She wants to extort money from you. This is less likely if she doesn’t know how much and where you have the money.
We know that you can’t hide your lifestyle completely. But she should not know about your bank accounts or your list of properties. In fact, when a relationship is going south, keep telling her that you have lost a lot of money in the stock market and that you are anxious about money matters. That your future is not very bright and you might need to take a loan.
On that note, never loan money to your girlfriend. If the relationship goes bad, you can say goodbye to that money.
- NEVER start a live-in relationship in India. Courts treat a live-in relationship far more seriously when it comes to “rape on the pretext of marriage” kind of cases. There is no benefit to living together. If you want regular sex, you can spend the night with her but she must go back to her own home. You should not give in to emotional pressure of any kind to allow her to move in with you. Once she is living with you, you are done for. If you have foolishly started living with her, but feel like the relationship is going to get into rough waters, try to find a job in another city. After you move to the new city, slowly cut down communications with her and let her find a new lover in the former city. If you immediately try to finish a relationship after moving, she might get you in trouble.
And it goes without saying that never try to take her to a temple for a sindoor ceremony or a marriage-like ceremony between the two of you. That might be romantic and get you in her pants, but it will bite you back eventually. Trust us on this one. If she is unwilling to put out (have sex with you), leave her instead of trying something like this.
- Have a good rapport with her social circle. People should know that you two are in a consensual relationship. If she tries a false accusation, her own social circle will regard her as evil and boycott her. That will act as a big disincentive for her not to get you in trouble. Her social circle should know that you are a nice man. Give thoughtful gifts (books, framed photos, upholstery) to some of her friends so that they have a good feeling about you and that when the relationship is suffering, they do not advise her to go after you legally. You cannot guarantee that she won’t, but it is far less likely if her social circle will judge her harshly for such an act.
- Deescalate Situations. If the relationship is almost over, do not try any ego-games with her. Give her a gentle exit. Do not try to be right all the time. Have a plan on letting her down easy. End the relationship gradually and not suddenly. Don’t blame her for anything. What’s the point? If you have decided to end the relationship, might as well leave her with her ego intact. If an argument is getting ugly, do not get into a shouting match. Control your temper and try to diffuse the situation.
We understand that preventing a false-rape accusation is impossible in India, but even so, you can take some precautions to lessen the probability.
Brothers, be careful out there!