Sonam Mittal is the spoilt modern Indian woman

Sonam Mittal has written two articles about her sexual ordeals.  She seems to be rushing into bad situations again and again and not once does she realize that she also has a role to play in what happens to her.

Each of her articles, even if taken at face value, is illustrative of the modern Indian woman.

The first article is titled “I Was Molested In Goa, And The Cops Said It Was My Fault!”

The article alleges that:

Late one night last year, I left Benaulim Beach along with my sister and two other friends.

We were drinking, laughing and enjoying ourselves. Like how anyone would do when in Goa.

On our way back, I stopped at L’Amour Resort to make changes to the tentative booking I’d made earlier that evening.

Behind this restaurant, away from all the public, the caretaker of the resort molested me while I was trying to tell him that I needed a room from the day after.

Now it is quite possible that she is telling the truth.  But notice that she is curiously short on details about her molesting.  Our experience tells us that she was probably asking for her money back after making the booking for that night when it was already too late.  And when the owner refused, she must have started mouthing off and misbehaving.  And in the end, the caretaker of the resort is the molester and oh yes, the whole society owes her justice without in any way putting even a whiff of blame on her.

The first thing he said to me was that girls from decent families don’t roam out late in the night drinking and partying with friends.

“Why were you out till late, do you even know what all happens in the night?”

No shit!  The modern Indian woman, trying to ape her western counterpart, wants all the freedoms but none of the responsibilities.  She adamantly refuses to recognize the state of lawlessness in the country, and doggedly refuses to accept the responsibility of protecting her sexuality.  Society keeps telling these women to be careful.  But considering these cautions to be “patriarchal”, they act recklessly, and then when shit (supposedly) hits the fan, they come crying for help.

But she didn’t learn her lesson: to protect herself.  She won’t stop till she gets into a situation where she finally gets “raped”.  It is like a an addict won’t stop till he hits rock bottom and goes to jail.

And that’s what happened (or so it is alleged).

The second article is titled “After 2 Years Of Sexual Harassement At The NGO I Worked For, An Apology E-mail Is All I Got”

This article contains multiple allegations.

Her traumatic sexual harassment is described below:

One night at a hotel, on a work trip in October 2012, the man in question was drunk when he made an official call to me at around 10-11pm, telling me to vacate my room and insisting I sleep in his. He approached me physically despite my obvious discomfort, followed me around, insisted on force feeding me my birthday cake and sat next to me at breakfast when there were multiple other seats empty. At times, two of my male colleagues had to physically place themselves between the two of us to stop him from coming on to me.

So a co-worker “approached” her and tried to feed her cake on her birthday.  What cruel harassment!

She ended up filing an official complaint about it, and getting the man removed from his role (this bit of information curiously missing from the title of her essay), and him having to send her an apology letter.

But she is blameless.

Further, senior employees have joked about my ‘character’ during official meetings, asking, “Who’s in her room today?” or “Is that person in her room, or in her?” People laughed, including those who would later constitute the Internal Complaints Committee (ICC). If I tripped on the stairs and showed up in bandages the next day, everyone joked that I must’ve been drunk. When there was a theft at my place, everyone joked that I was drunk and passed out.

In no way was this cruel gossip even passingly related to her own behavior.  No Sir, she never drank to excess and passed out.

Oh wait.

It was after a party, when a male colleague whom I knew quite well found me unconscious and raped me.

How did poor Sonam Mittal reach a state of unconsciousness while at a party?  Probably drank too much water, we surmise.

Again, details of this incident are curiously missing and she did not approach the police, despite having approached them earlier on a much more minor incident of “molestation”.  We wonder why.

I’m fearless now. I’m stronger now. I don’t care if people respond to my story with personal attacks and fabrications, and call me an ‘attention-seeker’.

What do you think?

Since you ask, here is what we think:

We think that you are a foolish parasite on society, and a spoilt slut.  We think that you refuse to learn from your experiences.  We think that you tempt and invite people to take liberties with you because you get drunk, act without modesty, act like a slut, and are known to be a slut.  We think that you are a danger to any workplace and to any home.  We think that your father should have been less liberal with you.  We think that you will prove to be a horrible wife and an even more horrible mother.  We think that you will waste society’s time, money and effort in trying to address your umpteen grievances that you keep coming up with because you act a certain way and that has consequences.  We think that you have no discrimination, and no sense, and no femininity, and no brains.

We think that you are a modern Indian woman who is a shame.

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22 thoughts on “Sonam Mittal is the spoilt modern Indian woman

  1. I did read your analysis of the situation … I am unaware of how your are connected to either of the people involved … But dear Indian man… I definitely don’t give you or any one the right to rape a woman who is either drunk or whatever … I am no feminist … But I sure am a woman .. A person … I or Sonam or any of us don’t need a man with uncontrolled basic instincts to teach us lessons … Please read aloud what you have written

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  2. Man, if you think its all right to have rape someone because they aren’t awake to consent, please check yourself into a prison and never ever check out.

    You make me ashamed to be Indian. I think we know what kind of people are responsible for the state of “lawlessness” in the country. *coughwhatamindsetcough*

    Liked by 1 person

  3. As an individual , i completely agree with the author when he says – one needs to be responsible for ones action. But my agreement begins and ends there.

    dear purushatma,
    You interpretation of what is responsible behavior and what is the appropriate societal response to irresponsibility is crude – evolution of that thought may have stopped somewhere around the stone age. cuz when has “might is right” ever been a marker of evolved human society?

    i wonder, have you always been a sane-sensible person making only the right decisions thoughout your life? haven’t you tried and failed and found new journeys? irresponsibility and recklessness are terms we use to point out what doesnt confirm to our version of “ideal”. In my version, the are phases of evolution.

    And what is our response to this urge to grow and find new horizons? Are we nurturing and channeling it? Or are we shaming it, disregarding it? worse taking advantage of it and then shaming and disregarding it? A bit like molesting your own child, i think .
    dont get what i mean?
    let me play out the situation a little differntly : the girl is drunk and passed out. the colleague takes her home. helps her with some water. locks the door behind her with a note saying its all right – and asking her to call when she is up. if he felt her behaviour was inappropriate, they talk about and discuss it like mature adults. he might have a valid perspective and so might she…and they listen and dialogue. maybe she will drink again herself silly- but that her choice. who are we to discipline anyone?
    for a moment, lets take out gender even. a person is drunk and is passed out. the other person carries the drunk person to safety without raping / robbing / stabbing etc. engages in a conversation about what transpired without making judgements.

    we are all battling out our inner demons in one way or the other. how can we help each other through it?

    there is this one line particularly caught my eye: “But she didn’t learn her lesson. She won’t stop till she is “raped”.” My friend, a) rape is not a lesson. if it was such a good way to teach we should be using it in schools. b) You assume “she” will “stop”. In a battle for balance – she may get “raped”. BUT she will rise, dust the dirt off her back, wash off that sticky semen and go on to continue evolving. without shame and guilt. and when i say she – i mean the collective consciousness of men/ women/ children/ sentiment beings/ nature.

    Oh! And. the father as the sole authority on “disciplining” is a long gone idea. its being buried as we speak, with other patriarchal values that reeks of might and authority – that priorities order (so long corrupt) over everything.
    The feminine, the mother is slowly speaking – and we are listening to her, and her say on how her children need to grow, her prayer that her children not grow in the structures that have suffocated her all along. she talking about the need for compassion over cruel exploitative order.

    listen up friend.
    -prakriti

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  4. Dear writer, its amusing how you openly write an article based on am assumption that Sonam might have gone to get back her money and then lied about the molestation when things didn’t turn out that way. As much as I don’t want to be a child to make several assumptions and mock your assuming, but the bitterness I feel towards you makes me want to take atleast one stab at it, so here it is, I assume that may be you are just a prostitute in a brothel worried about her business.

    Get your head out of your ass and grow out of your stone age mentality. I don’t jump on guys in shorts on beach, nothing about a person’s lifestyle makes a rape acceptable, let alIts so easy to love you when we are far, when everything that intimidates me about you are out of sight and out of mind and I just love you, without any other thought in head, I just love you because I’m in love.

    But I feel so intimidated around you.
    Everything that you know, the way you are, the way you look, the way you move, the things you are good at, the experience you have had, the feelings you have felt, the people you have met, the relationships you have formed, the way you sound, the way you talk, the things you talk, the way you feel, the person you are, the personality you don, the way things look on you, the way people look at you, the way people think of you, the way people feel about you, the emotions people feel for you, the childhood you have had, the school life you had, the distance you have come, the person you have become, the person you want to be, all the things you will be, all the things you will do, all the things you will feel, all you will see and all you will breathe.

    Its like how you say I am your younger version, you are my future self. Things I want to be and will be, you make me see the gap, you show me how being it will be, you show me my desired self, you make me feel how I want to be it, I see the journey I have to venture inorder to get there, and it makes me nervous of when will I get there, how will I get there, will I be able to get there, what if I don’t, though the probability of it is miniscule, but it still gives me the shiver, because I can’t not be it.

    And also I wonder why would you love me, if you even do, is it just because I have been around so much, just a factor of time and nothing more, and if you do, how soon will you stop, and how will it make me feel, what would I do, how bad it would be, loving you, having you and then not. It brings back all goodbyes together, and I fear it will be much worse this time, with you, because of all that you are, all that you are to me and all that it can be. And as much those aren’t my plan, nor yours, they make me so happy, when I think of them, imagine them, oh so vivid, you and me, I get so happy, it looks so beautiful, it looks like happiness, I fear I want it, I fear how happy the idea of having it makes me feel, I fear wanting it, I fear wanting and not getting it. I don’t like not even having a bleak probability of having it.

    And so I am amused, nervous and sad around you. I don’t know how can I love someone who makes me feel all this, all the time, every single second, and come to think of it, I don’t think I can, and may be so I should not. But that makes me heavy and at loss, like losing something, like letting go of something I want because of a reason not good enough, because I want to love you, it is so easy to love you and so hard, and it is so beautiful to love you and also so dark, but mostly it is right, it feel so right to love you, like a perfectly fitting in puzzle cube.

    one a lesson.

    Much disgust
    Aafreen

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  5. I am an Indian man, and I disagree with the content of this post.

    Is Sonam responsible for her rape?

    The above post holds that Sonam is “responsible” for what happened to her when she was drunk. [I don’t know if Sonam was drunk, and it really doesn’t matter if she was drunk or sober. For the sake of this article’s argument, let us assume that she was drunk.]

    Is a drunk person responsible for everything that happens to them? Well, that would depend on what actually happens to them.

    If a drunk person falls down a flight of stairs, we all could agree he/she is responsible. But if someone pushes a drunk person down the stairs, I would hold the person who pushed them responsible. Nobody may be pushed down stairs because they are drunk.

    Similarly, if any person (drunk or otherwise) is raped, molested or harassed by another person, I put the blame and responsibility on the rapist/molester/harasser.

    To blame the victim is to ignore the perpetrator’s responsibility. This article assigns responsibility to the victim, and not to the perpetrator. Hence, I disagree.

    Shouldn’t Sonam have “learnt her lesson”?

    The post argues that Sonam did not “learn her lesson” and did not stop until she was raped. What is the lesson Sonam should have learnt? Presumably that women should not drink, should not tempt and invite people to take liberties. The post further argues that she should be ashamed for all this.

    This reasoning is flawed at many levels. It lets the perpetrator off the hook, and blames the victim. It further demands that women restrict their mobility and freedoms, for otherwise they are at fault. Behind these demands are the unstated assumptions that women have no right to be out at night, that they should not drink, and that any woman who enjoys such freedom is a “slut”.

    This line of reasoning presents men as innocent bystanders tempted to harass and rape a woman because she drinks or stays out late at night. Many of us men reject that narrative. We believe that women should enjoy equal freedoms as men. Whether a woman chooses to drink or stay out late at night is her choice. She does not have to “learn” to avoid that. Instead, men should learn not to harass or rape women.

    Is Sonam a “parasite on society”?

    As I see it, Sonam Mittal has boldly spoken out against sexual harassment and rape, fully knowing that she will be vilified by many in a patriarchal society. That requires immense courage and conviction, and I respect her for that. I don’t see anything parasitic about that.

    To me, a parasite is a person who uses their position of privilege to take benefits from society. That includes men who benefit from patriarchy and use that power to harass and bully women and other men. The above post displays parasitic behaviour – a person using their male privilege to laugh at and scorn a woman who has been harassed and raped.

    And finally, is Sonam a “spoilt modern Indian woman”?

    Let’s understand what the accusation against Sonam is: she drinks, she parties at night, she has publicly spoken out against harassment and rape.

    The author seems uncomfortable with all of those. Maybe, that shows the author’s insecurity with bold women who speak out courageously against harassment and rape. Many of us (men including) see Sonam as a hero for speaking out against violence.

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  6. @roshen:

    “Similarly, if any person (drunk or otherwise) is raped, molested or harassed by another person, I put the blame and responsibility on the rapist/molester/harasser.”

    If a woman gets too drunk to resist or to say “no”, she is to blame as well.

    See http://imgur.com/wHmSGGV

    If you are a woman, you get drunk, get passed out, with an intoxicated man next to you in YOUR BEDROOM with whom you do NOT want to have sex, then the blame is on you. Either don’t invite the man into your bedroom for the night, or if he is there, don’t pass out. He is drunk too and has had a history of sexual intercourse with you, so while he is to blame for getting too drunk to notice what he’s doing, the woman is to blame for getting too drunk to notice what’s being done to her.

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  7. I read the entire article thinking it was a joke, a spoof of Indian mentality. Was unfortunately proved wrong.

    If a woman is too drunk to explicitly SAY no, you don’t take it as a yes either way and do what you please. Your piece is a mockery of the whole idea of sexual consent,and of the suffering sexual harassment/rape victims go through.

    There is politically incorrect,and then there is wrong.

    You are the latter.

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  8. Mr purushatma, I sincerely hope you fall asleep and get butt raped by a man in your bedroom. I will happily point out that its you and only you who should be blamed since u made the mistake of not staying “conscious” in the presence of another man. People like you deserve a special place in prison because people like u are most dangerous of all.

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  9. @purushatma: I guess it isn’t one of your strengths either. Clearly you are mentally unstable and need help. Take care

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  10. I wish you never have to go under anesthesia, never get drunk or pass out, or get drugged (wittingly or unwittingly), or fall asleep or get disoriented ever in your life. In the event that you do, I sincerely hope there is someone with an inexpressible urge to sexually assault you, lurking about you. I hope then, when it hurts you where you can’t mention it to anyone, you find solace in the words you chose to type out in your rant above.

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  11. “And when the owner refused, she must have started mouthing off and misbehaving. ” must have? You article starts off witj an assumption. Damn i will now have to go through this entire garbage of an article to observe how many more assumptions you have made. Its never a good way to start an article.

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  12. So if a drunk passed out man lying on the side of a road gets anally raped then it was his fault? By your logic yes. Just because someone is passed out doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want to them, that is what we need to teach our younger generation of boys.

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  13. Your post clearly is not condoning rape – something those commenting seem intent on misunderstanding.
    It is more about questioning the societal attitude that absolves women of any responsibility whatsoever.

    I see one person has commented thus
    Let me play out the situation a little differently : the girl is drunk and passed out. the colleague takes her homehelps her with some water. locks the door behind her with a note saying its all right – and asking her to call when she is up. if he felt her behaviour was inappropriate, they talk about and discuss it like mature adults. he might have a valid perspective and so might she”

    Which man with half a brain will do that today?
    If the drunk girl wakes up in the morning and accuses him of misbehavior, despite the fact that she cannot recall anything whatsoever, he will still be in trouble. Even the most noble chivalrous soul will want to steer clear of this situation.

    That it has come to this, is what I see you are writing about insistently and well.

    Like

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