The Dating Minefield for Indian Men

While sexual attitudes are becoming more liberal, feminism and the woman-friendly laws are increasingly making it clear that men need to be on their guard.  It is a minefield out there.

Let us consider, one by one, pre-marital, post-marital, and extra-marital sex.  In each of these, the woman is always considered to be the hapless victim while the man is considered nothing short of a rapist.

Before marriage, it is a minefield.  If you split from your girlfriend or don’t wanna marry her, she can allege “rape!”.

If she loves someone else and gets married to you, be ready to face extortion and blackmail at her hands so that she can remarry her lover.  And this will start within a few months of getting married.  Dowry is considered a crime, but extracting alimony at the point of false accusations isn’t.

During marriage, it is a minefield.  If your wife gets annoyed, she can file a complaint of “emotional cruelty” against you.  It is a non-bailable criminal offense.  She can then claim your house, the custody of the children, and a hefty part of your salary.  So you have to keep walking on eggshells lest she or her parents have a reason to show you who’s the boss.  And though thankfully she can’t allege “rape” just because she was more interested in her kitty party rather than pleasing her husband sexually, she can allege “sexual cruelty” as part of the Domestic Violence Act.  So there!

And let’s not forget, if she has an extra-marital affair, it’s not a crime.  At the most, you can file a complaint against the interloper man.  But if you indulge in an extra-marital affair and she finds out, be ready for false complaints of dowry harassment, emotional and sexual cruelty, and whatnot.

If she is emotionally immature, as is likely these days due to the princess syndrome and the huge attention a daughter and a young woman gets from her family and social circle and facebook, she is likely to have delusional expectations from you anyway.  If you fulfill them, you are a beta and she loses interest in you and files a complaint just to show her scorn.  If you don’t fulfill them, yes you are not a coward, but then, be ready to face her ire which can snowball into civil and criminal trials.

Heads she wins, tails you lose.

We haven’t touched upon the worst phenomenon that could happen.  If your girlfriend or wife is depressed and commits suicide (for whatever reason – maybe marriage wasn’t what she expected, maybe she gained weight, maybe her professional life is too stressful, maybe she has postpartum depression, …), you can bet your ass her family will file a case under a monstrous law (IPC 304B) that presumes that “husband or relative shall be deemed to have caused her death”.  So at least during the first seven years, you are walking on eggshells lest she, in a fit of whatever, harm herself.  If due to bad luck you marry a bipolar woman (and there are more and more of them every day), god help you.  Check out the horror stories of such marriages here.

After marriage, it is still a minefield.  After the ending of a marriage, and let’s not even consider the difficulty of getting a divorce for a man, you won’t get joint custody of the children since there is no such provision in Indian laws, and the mother is considered the “natural guardian” of infants.  And she can claim your house, a sizable chunk of your salary (to maintain the “same living standards while in marriage” while having zilch marital responsibilities toward the husband or his family), and allege violation of restraining or protection orders at her whim.

In such an environment, is it any wonder that Indian men are apprehensive of getting married?

Purushatma’s advice to men in these trying times: don’t get married for love.  In fact, don’t get married at all.  Do not have a live-in relationship, and keep a record of all your coochie-coo communications.  If you want to have a family, marry a girl by making extensive investigations into her family and ensure her parents and your parents are involved.  An arranged marriage is a far safer bet than a so-called “love marriage”.  Love turns sour much quicker than a marriage based on practicalities. If a woman’s family and parents are involved in the matchmaking, there is no guarantee that she won’t behave badly, but she will have enough people watching her that she will think twice or thrice before becoming the talk of her extended family.

(In subsequent posts, Purushatma will go over how to be a sexually fulfilled man in these treacherous times, and will go over the precautions while getting married to avoid potential legal hassles at the hands of your wife and in-laws.)

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